Out of the city limits!

It's been a tough few days, physically and emotionally. I broke down.

Yesterday as I was walking into Tokushima city, I got the sense that something wasn't right. I was having more trouble walking than usual. I sat down on a bus stop bench and then realized--I had forgotten my staff! I had no idea where or when. I felt a lump in my throat. Even if I bought a new one, it wouldn't be the same!

I thought a while, and decided to retrace my steps by taxi. 5 km back I saw it, leaning against a store where I had stopped to rest. What a huge relief! I hadn't realized how close I was to it. I carry it all day long, tapping it with every step, occasionally reading the sutra written on it when I rest, striking it when I'm angry, doing a dance when I'm bored...it was a huge shock when I thought I had lost it.

I got my cellphone's internet fixed yesterday afternoon, and stayed in a hotel for the night. I needed to stay in town to get new shoes, because the ones I had rubbed against the backs of my ankles, so my right achilles tendon was bruised and sore. I had walked too hard and too fast the day before going down the mountain, and really aggravated it. Walking barefoot was fine, and I walked barefoot a few kilometers coming into the city, but I couldn't do that forever. And while pain in other parts of the foot, like the base of the toes, can be ignored, this pain needed to be dealt with before it got worse. So this morning I hit the sports store by Tokushima station to try on new shoes.

Every pair I tried on hurt. My achilles was just too inflamed to wear anything. Damn. As I was talking with the storekeeper, describing the last few days, tears suddenly welled up and I burst out sobbing. I don't cry often--I can't remember the last time--but today I cried a typhoon. With other people staring at me....that made it even worse. I apologized, took a few deep breaths, and bought a pair of Merrill's, which hurt the least.

After I settled down, I bought a pair of heelless sandals at another shoestore and headed east, lugging the Merrill's for later use and wearing the sandals. I only had half a day left, so I decided to stay in an inn by number 18. My spirits were restored by a great lunch and getting out of the city and back to the countryside. Then I felt even better when I had a bath and a fantastic dinner.

The physical exertion of the pilgrimage accentuates my emotional ups and downs, so I have extreme highs upon reaching a destination and severe lows when something goes wrong. There's happiness and there's suffering--mostly suffering. Buddhist philosophy is all about accepting suffering, and not getting all wrought up in it. What better way to learn about suffering than walking all day every day?

I'm optimistic about tomorrow, as I have new shoes and I'll be back in the mountains, not walking through the hot, noisy city. It will be a good day.

Since I'll be in the mountains for two days, I may not have Internet. I'll probably be able to post next at 21 or 22.

場所:恩山寺谷,小松島市,日本